I'm not getting an Easter basket this year.
Years ago, that would have been good news for my big sister.
While I still believe in the Easter Bunny, Easter baskets have become a thing of the past.
When I did get them, I always ended up with the best toys and the best candy.
Way better than my big sister ever got.
Here was the game plan for the Easter Bunny arrival:
Back then, I figured the Easter Bunny came somewhere between 2:30 and 4:30 a.m. My mom was a night owl, so I figure he waited until she was asleep. I would set my alarm clock for 5 a.m., wake up and head for the living room where the baskets would be.
The Easter Bunny was always fair. There would be a big chocolate Easter rabbit, chocolate eggs, a stuffed animal and a bunch of jelly beans.
I'm not the Easter Bunny.
I would spill out both baskets and start trading. At the end, my basket would be filled with chocolate bunnies and eggs, while my sister just had jelly beans.
I hate jellybeans.
Luckily, my sister wasn't an early riser. By the time she got up, I'd already eaten most of the chocolate. No evidence, no crime.
My sister would see her basket filled with just jelly beans and a stuffed animal, and get upset.
"Wow, the Easter Bunny thinks you must really like jelly beans," I'd say.
When my mom got up, my sister's day didn't get much better.
Sure, I'd get yelled out for the basket switch, but my sister had to wear a knitted chicken sweater that looked just like the one I had.
My mom made them. I was a little kid, who liked chickens, so I thought it was kind of cool, but I think my sister wanted to hide, especially since she is 9 years old than me.
We looked like a big chicken and a little chicken.
At least my stomach was filled with chocolate.